Extinction is inevitable™
Technology makes us tired™
Paradise is a person™
Every day brings a fresh cliché™
People with immaculate homes
have filthy minds™
‘Dream Job’ is an oxymoron™
‘Nightmare job’ is a tautology™
Remote Control For Life™
Ants are more important than humans™
Jack Kerouac never learnt to drive™
Life should have an exit questionnaire™
Don’t just be yourself™
I don’t mind but I do care™
It’s a business doing pleasure with you™
Memories are purchased™
84.2% of UK offices have
an employee called Steve™
Only one of the Beach Boys could surf™
Smokers are more interesting
than non-smokers™
Vegans shouldn’t eat honey™
Tradespeople always have
two sugars in their tea™
Average prices are now more
expensive than average™
Holidays feel like work™
Die young and leave a great-looking copse™
Class should be dictated by taste™
It’s easier to start a fire
accidentally than on purpose™
The proof’s in the PDF™
Sex s(m)ells!™
You make your own luck
– if you’re lucky™
Kate Moss is plain and dull™
Raspberries aren’t berries™
Roads destroy communities™
Arranged marriages work better™
Computers cheat™
Update or die™
Don’t just do something, sit there™
The need for speed is juvenile™
There are 2,000 apple varieties
in Britain™
Aspire to be average™
A speeding bullet travels
only 4m under water™
Posh people wear red trousers™
If I want your opinion, I’ll tell you it™
Visual imagery is tautological™
iMe™
Accent is everything™
Jerusalem artichokes are
neither of the two™
108 billion people have lived on earth™
Life is a series of ruts™
Consumers are abusers™
Haste is waste™
H is the middle of nowhere™
Carry on carrion™
Knob is bonk backwards™
Islam means surrender™
Jesus had a wicked wine cellar™
Died in event loop on un-typed exception™
Be good to your fiends™
Drugs are God for you™
Music is better than movies™
Stay clear of best sellers™
Sunbeds are as bad for you as smoking™
Kill time until it kills you™
Fear is desire unlocked™
Avoid notice by hiding in plain sight™
Get tax back from smack™
Wii is for wimps™
Sunbathing was invented in the 1920s™
If the bees die, humans die™
The best things in life have a fee™
Snails have hearts but no brains™
Your ears never stop growing™
A duck’s quack doesn’t echo™
Global warming isn’t always warm™
Only eat oysters during
months with ‘r’ in them™
The Dark Side needs
humour and women™
Lick the mirror or the house will die™
Social networking is anti-social™
Bees have five eyes™
Nothing was invented;
everything was developed™
Too many cocks spoil the brothel™
Beauty reminds us of death™
Relatives are Relative™
You win some, you lose most™
I like to try it before I taste it™
Like a rolling moan™
I love the women whaling™
Corrupt me if I’m wrong™
Can’t write for coffee™
Whinge of Desire™
The ‘burbs eat me up™
80% of you is illegal;
the rest is behind bras™
I’ve got the balls and
you’ve got the bearings™
Storm in a Double D cup™
The girl with the Pristina earring™
The politics of affection™
Letraset after sex™
An exclamation of napkins™
Career heading south?
Head to South Korea™
Book judges by their covers™
You make my heart sour™
The pen-is mightier than the sword™
You run faster when you’re scared™
Cats are autistic™
Life is a precious GIF™
Women always clear their throats™
Lolling like a Luddite when the lights go out™
My life was based on a true story™
Bored of directors™
God was an absent father™
Mist is cosy™
Coffee is the new wine™